Okay, Okay... Step one...

I suppose I took a "break" from writing (let's just admit it... I forgot all about this thing), and I know no one is reading this any who but I think it'll be a wonderful escape for me, at the very least.

While taking 25 units, teaching 16 private music students, having a church job I sing at every Sunday, being in an intensive (yet incredible) college choir, leading a professional Christmas Caroling quartet, studying opera, and performing/competing on various occasions, I let my head get wrapped up in the stresses and struggles of attempting balance. In an effort to avoid unnecessary breakdowns (which I've already had four of in the past six weeks... clearly, I'm on track here...) I'm reading a few books simultaneously to help me arrive at a new stage of release.

Inspired from "The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success" by Deepak Chopra - steps to find Pure Potentiality.

To find "self-referral," one must let go of objectives that influence us; this is referred to as "object-referral." We are constantly influenced by this - situations, circumstances, people. We have an constant need to control things (I know I certainly do...) and often allow our behavior to be simply based around fear - fear of not receiving approval from others. Our ego, the self image, controls this. It is "sustained by power, because it lives in fear."

---> So how do we let go of this, you ask? Our soul must be completely free of those things. Power from object-referral is temporary; power from self-referral is permanent. It does no wobble and is always free of the ego. There are three major key ways to find this self-power.

1. Daily meditation. The book suggests 30 minutes twice a day of pure silence. Now, honestly, that seems almost hilarious to me... I don't even think I have a spare 30 minutes ONCE a day, let alone of pure silence. But, apparently, this is the way to bliss. This allows our internal dialogue (which is going, goinggg, goingggggg...) to quiet down. It allows us to experience stillness and to let our mind give up on trying to control everything. Good thought.

2. No judgement. This includes.... well.... everything! Yes, yes, we all judge people. We judge our routine, ourselves. But what about the non-concrete, like our day? The drinks we order, the food we taste, the fact that we forgot to put lotion on and are now regretting that we'll be out of our residence for the next 15 hours of our day... these are all judgements. And, according to Chopra, judgement is another way to create silence in our minds. He also explains clearly how difficult it is to do such a thing as to not judge, but to merely take it a few hours at a time, with constant mental reminders. The extension of this will happen gradually.

3. To experience nature. The collaboration and exchanges among on our earth's resources is, truly, astonishing. It is refreshing to be able to observe this first hand; to acknowledge your coexistence with a world untainted and pure as the soil it was first created with. This, alone, generates a gratitude that our egos are incapable of creating.

So there you go. I'm no expert in this (especially since I read this section about a week ago) but I've been testing the waters myself and have found it to be pretty successful. Comments are welcome.

More to come later.... :)

European Adventure

I've been sitting around contemplating whether or I should make my Europe blog on here or to just scrapbook for my own personal reflection. It's almost too much to remember and digest- the 3 week trip was really amazing. I can say that I have learned so much about culture and history from the experience, as well as what a blessing it is to be able to say I live in America (ha!)

I can't deny that half the time I was there, I was probably complaining about how hot it was, how much we were walking, the smelly metro rides, and the never ending need to have an itinerary. But the moment I stepped off the plane, I swear, I don't know what to do with myself. I'm terrible at doing nothing; just sitting and relaxing- ick. I don't know what to just stop and cool off and I've been trying to do so ever since I've been home. I must say that it's nice not to have the stresses of school and studying right now, but seriously, I need to be doing SOMETHING!

What I really need is to research everything I saw and didn't understand while I was away. Like... what the heck is the big deal about the Mona Lisa? The Louvre was such an incredible museum and no one gave any notice to the beautiful artwork it held, until you pass the room that held the beloved tiniest framed picture you've ever seen. Definitely need to figure that one out. I can't deny that I was one of those people pushing and shoving to take a picture though... :)

Or... the Eiffel Tower? The Tower Bride in London? The statue of David? I mean, these are things that everyone knows about already- the famous monumental structures that we all would die to see. But were we ever taught the real significance of them? I wish I could really look at them and know the true beauty and essence behind it as opposed to "wow awesome, I saw the Eiffel Tower!"

I'd love to go back and live it all again with more knowledge then I have now. Europe is a beautiful place with so much incredible history. The cathedrals and architecture is absolutely exquisite- something our country unfortunately lacks. The thought and time that went into each statue, ceiling, stained glass window, door, roof, and everything surrounding it is unbelievable. It definitely proves a lot about mankind and the ability that each human has to affect and create something beautiful.

Just thoughts. More to come later... :)

following my instinct

"Human vibrational energy - thoughts, words, ideas, and music - affect the molecular structure of water... The quality of our life is directly connected to the quality of our water."

It's funny because I've always believed in "vibes;" that word that no one can understand but most everyone can feel. I'd rely a lot of my reactions and prejudgments on the "vibes" that I'd receive from an atmosphere, even if my heart was telling me that that was immature and illogical. Yet I always found myself convincing my subconscious that "it's a gut feeling" and therefore, my feelings should be justified.

And here it is, scientific experiments on the reasoning behind those vibes. Dr. Masaru Emoto studied the molecular structures of the water within humans and the correlation between positive or negative thoughts. Without even reading his entire book "Messages from Water," I was already shown a vast amount of tangible evidence and pictures of the physical layout of water- pictures of reactions from "hate" versus "love."

My point is this: humans feed off of humans. Our energies work together and emotions that we can't describe literally affect the way that our body works and functions. Those "vibes" that we can't describe are actually real and physical as much as they are mental and emotional. Although I think it's probably unfair to solely depend on our first impressions, I do take this theory to heart. Maybe it's my sensitive nature. Maybe it's the fact that I like to be observant of others. Or maybe it's just... reality.

Appreciation

Thankfulness: recognizing how much beauty we are surrounded by just by having the privilege of living life.

Let's be honest- this semester has been extraordinarily difficult. Mentally, emotionally, physically, you name it. But I've always loved "fall break" (or for California, some sort of chilly break but necessarily fall weather). It's a time to remember what we do have in life, and how grateful we should remember to be for that. Of all of the ups and downs I have personally endured these past couple of months, one really wonderful has come out of it. I think about life every single day and instead of moping about how sad and painful my experiences have been, I'm finally beginning to recognize the beauty in just living another day. The sun is out, California does have beautiful weather (as much as I complain about it being too hot), I'm surrounded by wonderful friends, and man made the most important thing in the world: coffee. Who can really complain about life?

So this New Year, 2010, will be a good year. I can feel it. I have my New Years Resolutions, which I usually end up forgetting somewhere around the month of April, but I actually do plan on carrying them out this year. Well, plan is the significant word here.

I do know this. Life is fragile. Everything really does happen for a reason, even when we can't see it. And we will all be okay if we stop to remember how lucky we all have it.

Peace and Love.

Love is Patient, Love is Kind...

This weekend was full of beautiful ceremonies, each with their own beauty.

First off, congratulations to Sandra and Luis Trujillo on a beautiful wedding! I feel so honored to be a part of it and watch two people really come together in a beautiful ceremony.

Standing up there (in the freezing cold) listening to First Corinthians really made me think a lot about love. True love, that is. It really is effortless and amazing. Anyone who can experience that in their life is so so lucky. Not everyone in the world can find something like that, and I think it's really a blessing if one has.

Two days previous to the wedding, I attended Zach's memorial service and was astounded. I have never witnessed so many people that were touched and affected by one single person. There were upwards of about 1,000 people who attended the service, each knowing Zach personally and presumably being personally affected by him in one way or another. The speeches, music, and memories were incredible- total tear jerkers- but incredible. Life is so fragile. It makes you think about yourself, and the people surrounding you. You never know when someone can be taken away from you, especially someone that you may take for granted. I know that every single person at the service was shocked by Zach's death, and I'm positive that his death brought about closeness and gratitude for our lives.

So moral of the week: Love is patient and kind. Life is beautiful. Be grateful of everything you have, even if it feels like it's not much. Because you never know when it will be taken away from you.

Until next time,
♥Allie

Hopefully this month goes fast...

Something about November always brings bad news. Whether its being sick (which i ALWAYS am), school being overwhelming (more than usual), or everyone all of a sudden hyping about the world ending 2012.

This year brings a whole new tragedy. One of the most wonderful and decent human beings that I have ever had the privilege of being friends with was killed in a car accident on the "lucky" Friday the 13th. This brought about so many emotions for me, I don't know what to do with myself. I loved Zach and its so unfair to me that something so tragic could happen to someone so young and promising in our world. But it also brought about several new thoughts on the horizon- is there a heaven? It's not that I've ever not believed in heaven, but I've never had an experience that has brought me so close to the idea until now. And after thinking about Zach and his endeavors on earth, I still feel his presence with me. It's like it's not real. It just can't be. And I know that that is all part of grieving, but now I'm getting a lot more acclimated to the idea of heaven and spiritual living.

It's also made me realize how much I need to appreciate the ones around me. Life is so fragile- it's amazing how fast someone so wonderful and camouflaged in our life can be taken away from us without any hesitation or opportunity to say goodbye. Now that he's gone, and thankfully I did have a nice conversation just 3 days before he passed away, I really want to take this time to really show how much I appreciate all of the wonderful people in my life who have affected me in some sort of way. There is no room for drama or pettiness. No room for fights or bickering. It's just not worth it. Life is so beautiful and to live it through unhappiness is wasting it away all too quickly.

I love you, Zach. You were an inspiration to so many people and are so loved by everyone you ever touched. ♥♥

RIP Zachary Headden
March 17, 1989- November 13, 2009

okay, so... i'm still not quite understanding this whole blogging thing. i want to read other people's blogs, but i a) have no idea how to "search" and b) have no idea how to "friend." i feel very lame right now.

this past weekend, i felt so accomplished and happy with my life. i had a student perform in a casual gig that the school i teach at was putting on. she was nervous, and has always had awful stage fright, but the girl can really sing for a nine year old! she went up there and did a phenomenal job! her parents were thrilled and she came up to me with tears in her eyes just saying "thank you thank you" over and over again. i am still so utterly shocked at what an amazing feeling it is to really help someone and feel as though you are affecting their life in a positive way.

it made me think about the people in my life. it's so interesting- i had a rough morning today and was physically upset, and one of my peers came up and just held my hand. it's almost like she was channeling a positive energy to me, and it made me realize how one person can change how i feel and who i am overall. i am so grateful for the people in my life. i want to have the strength and courage to thank them for inspiring me, just as my student did.