okay, so... i'm still not quite understanding this whole blogging thing. i want to read other people's blogs, but i a) have no idea how to "search" and b) have no idea how to "friend." i feel very lame right now.

this past weekend, i felt so accomplished and happy with my life. i had a student perform in a casual gig that the school i teach at was putting on. she was nervous, and has always had awful stage fright, but the girl can really sing for a nine year old! she went up there and did a phenomenal job! her parents were thrilled and she came up to me with tears in her eyes just saying "thank you thank you" over and over again. i am still so utterly shocked at what an amazing feeling it is to really help someone and feel as though you are affecting their life in a positive way.

it made me think about the people in my life. it's so interesting- i had a rough morning today and was physically upset, and one of my peers came up and just held my hand. it's almost like she was channeling a positive energy to me, and it made me realize how one person can change how i feel and who i am overall. i am so grateful for the people in my life. i want to have the strength and courage to thank them for inspiring me, just as my student did.

Isn't it funny how you swear you know what your whole life is going to accomplish and then you sit there going "what was it that i said i wanted to do when i was 11 years old?!" I am just stuck. There's no other way to describe it. It's getting to that point where I have too many passions, and too much drive. But then I get confused and conflicted so my constant ever powering endurance comes to a halt and I find myself lost and unsure of where to go.

I really want to just make art. I want to spread a message. I want to heal. I want to be happy, but grant happiness to others. Is that really so wrong? Why is it that people constantly push me for more? For something that THEY want to see out of me? And I have so much love for what I do, I always find some way of loving everything that is put in front of me. It's not a bad thing, and I am grateful for it, but it sure confuses the heck out of me.

Maybe I'll buy a nice camera and just take pictures for the rest of my life. I'll ditch the music thing so no one has to worry about what I'm going to do and whether or not I am doing it right. Wouldn't that be a shocker? Hmm...

Our Generation

One thing that I've realized about the 21st century, especially us young folk, is that we live in a very egocentric world. Everything that our peers, colleagues, professors, and especially our friends, is related back to our lives and how we view ourselves as people. Everything is a competition, whether it be about who had more of the flu symptoms last week (hence making them much more sick so we must pity them more), or about who has more technological crafty materials versus who doesn't (those who don't... well, you might as well live in a different country).

It's just kind of sick. And I'll admit, I get caught up in it too. If someone says something as simple as "wow, there are so many birthdays in October" my first response will be "did you know that most babies were actually born in September? That's when I was born." It's as if I'm trying to prove something... something... but I'm not quite sure what. And after I catch myself behaving like that, it'll hit me how silly and pathetic it all is. It's like we have to constantly show off to one another in order to survive in today's society.

I used to have a friend that compared every little minuscule detail to her own life, and constantly felt the need to brag about it. It went from "I was up studying so late last night" from one person to her responding with "YOU were up late last night? Psh... I've been up late every night for the past three weeks!" It got to the point where no one could really say anything without it turning into some sort of oddly intense competition. And it's almost like, well what's the point? Why bother saying it in the first place? What exactly are we trying to prove to one another? Is it all just small talk and we're just pointing out our every day life experiences, or is there really some sort of subconscious desire to impress other people with our trivial actions? Hmm...

Anyway, I don't mean to be negative. I just think it's all rather interesting. I know that me writing all of this will allow me to examine myself as a human and make the right approaches to correct this among my conversations with people. And it's a hard habit to break, because everyone wants to be "on top." We all want to be the most successful people- I mean, it IS America! But let's try to break the norm, and simply listen to others instead of constantly referring back to ourselves. The only people who ever care to hear about our lives, our... us! Well, and maybe our parents :)

Just things to think about! Happy blogging!

Testing the Waters

So, I have never blogged before! I can't say that I quite understand it all, but I'll learn in time. I was inspired by many things: Julie&Julia first and foremost, and the fact that almost everyone I know does it as well!

There's not a whole lot to know about me. I'm a music major in college, and fortunately (and unfortunately) it is my entire life. I live and breathe music, and trust me, it can be a true love/hate relationship. But I really am grateful for it. I wouldn't have it any other way. Thinking of sitting in a lecture hall studying something as obsolete as mathematics just sounds... unpleasant. Music is constantly changing. It carries a love that very few things in life produce. It's why I appreciate art so much. Art is the way we express ourselves through something concrete. You know how people often debate about whether God is real or not because there is no proof of his existence? Well, how can we prove our feelings? How do we KNOW what happiness feels like? And how do we convey our feelings and prove them? Through art.

I'm not going to lecture forever, but it's just a thought that we can all think about. If you're not an art lover, like me, it's still important to find something that evokes a love within us. Whatever that may be doesn't matter. Love is ever-flowing and it can change your life if you nurture it.

Hope you guys have a lovely day! Happy blogging! :)